By John Keohane
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18 Jun, 2024
Family structures are more diverse than ever these days. As our society evolves, our traditions and practices need to evolve with them, including the ways in which we honor our loved ones when they pass on. We believe that memorial services ought to be inclusive, respectful, and reflective of the unique relationships that make up every family we serve. In this blog, we'll share with you how to incorporate these varied family structures into funeral ceremonies, enabling you to acknowledge and honor each of these special relationships. Recognizing the Diversity of Modern Families Modern families exist in many forms, such as blended families, single-parent families, LGBTQ+ families, families with adopted children, and more. Perhaps you recognize your family structure here? It's essential that we recognize and validate these diverse structures during memorial services so that everyone feels included and respected. Open Communication One of the most important steps when you’re planning an inclusive memorial service is open communication. Engaging each family member early in the planning process creates an opportunity to understand their individual desires and perspectives. Doing so can help you make sure that no one feels they’ve been excluded during an already difficult time emotionally. Encouraging your family members to share stories, memories, and special traditions that can be incorporated into the service helps to create a sense of inclusivity that can lift everyone’s spirits during an otherwise challenging period. Personalize the Ceremony Having gathered anecdotes and cherished memories from your family members, personalizing the ceremony to reflect the unique life and relationships of the deceased leads to deeply meaningful ways to honor their memory. Here are three such examples for you to consider: 1. Custom Eulogies: Invite multiple family members and close friends to share their own memories, or offer a eulogy. This allows for a richer, more diverse representation of the deceased's life and relationships. 2. Photo Displays: Create a photo collage or video that includes pictures from all stages of their life (if available), celebrating friendships, family events, special moments, and highlighting the connections among these various relationships that made a significant impact on the deceased's life. 3. Symbolic Gestures: Incorporate symbolic gestures that hold special meaning for different family members, like lighting candles, releasing balloons, creating a fundraising event, or planting a tree or garden in memory of the loved one. Inclusive Rituals and Traditions Weaving diverse rituals and traditions into the memorial service can help provide another way to respect and honor any cultural and religious backgrounds within your family. A few ways to do this include: 1. Multicultural Elements: If the deceased or your family members come from different cultural backgrounds, consider including some elements from these cultures in the ceremony. This could include representative music, readings from treasured books, or traditional rituals. 2. Interfaith Considerations: If your family includes members of various faiths, find ways to incorporate interfaith prayers or rituals, or readings that honor the beliefs of all family members. 3. Non-Religious Options: Some families prefer a non-religious service that focuses on celebrating the life and values of the deceased through personal anecdots, music, and meaningful activities. For instance, was the decedent a Deadhead? Including music from a favorite show could be a lovely way to celebrate this aspect of them. Respecting Unique Relationships Every relationship is a unique relationship, with its own dynamics. It’s important to acknowledge and honor these connections during the memorial service. Consider these: 1. Acknowledging All Relationships: Make sure that the service acknowledges and honors all significant relationships in the deceased's life, regardless of their structure (biological, adopted, chosen, or otherwise). 2. Inclusive Language: Use inclusive language that respects the dynamics of your family structure and relationships. Avoid assumptions about roles or titles, and be mindful of how different family members may identify. It’s okay to ask family members or close friends how they’d prefer to be addressed! 3. Special Roles: Is it possible to give different family members and friends special roles, such as reading a poem, performing a song, or leading an aspect of the service? This can to a long way in ensuring that everyone feels involved and recognized. Creating a Welcoming Atmosphere Creating a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere is a vital key for a successful and respectful memorial service: 1. Venue Considerations: Choose a venue that’s accessible and welcoming to all of your family members and friends, including those with disabilities or special needs. Consider that some attendees may need to bring a care provider with them. 2. Hospitality: It’s important that all guests feel welcome and comfortable attending the memorial. Hospitality may include offering refreshments, having a sign-in book, or offering grief support for those who may need it. 3. Sensitivity and Empathy: Approach the planning and execution of the service with sensitivity and empathy. This is a very emotional time for everyone involved, after all. Kindness matters here more than ever. The Keohane team is committed to helping families like yours to create inclusive, respectful, and meaningful memorial services that will honor the unique lives and relationships of your loved ones. In embracing diverse family structures, we can be certain that every service is a true reflection of the individual being celebrated.